Handkerchiefs (from 1992)

Bless you! Gesundheit! Cowabunga?

Handkerchiefs confused me as a kid. I was told handkerchiefs were classy, a pre-evolved tissue. But, how was sneezing into a cloth and then saving your snot classy? I remember watching movies during my childhood, and occasionally a handkerchief would make an appearance. It seemed like adults never took them seriously either. Instead, they'd simply be used as a comedic device to bridge together a few gags for a laugh. So my question always was, who used these things?!

Maybe if I had TMNT handkerchiefs my childhood would've been different. Released around 1992, four mutated pieces of fabric became available to sneezy fans of the sewers from some company called Colombo. Let's eye 'em up.

Issue 55: Hats!

The winter season is retreating. Warm temperatures are finally emerging. It's that joyous time when we can dismantle our winter uniform - peeling off each layer with satisfaction. Gone are the long coats and helmet-like hats. Staying warm is no longer of concern, but rocking Turtle Power is just as important.

Here are 5 hats from The Sewer Den collection to keep you styling throughout the sunny season.

Totally Tubular Treasures: The Sewer Den Sneakers

TOTALLY TUBULAR TREASURES: 

THE SEWER DEN SNEAKERS

On October 27, 2013, I hit a birthday milestone - 30 years old. It's been almost 6 month since the landmark occasion. Boy, it hasn't been easy, but I'm finally adjusting to life beyond my 20's. 

Getting older is a tough pill to swallow, but much easier when you're treated to great birthday gifts. My girlfriend, Jessica, came to my rescue as I transitioned from 29 to 30.

“No matter what you do in life, always have a perfect bed and a comfortable pair of shoes, because when you’re not in one, you’re in the other.” This quote from my film, Sneakers & Soul, is a life lesson no one should ignore. Plus, sneakers are cool!

Jessica combined my love for sneakers, my passion for filmmaking, and my dedication to The Sewer Den and delivered the ultimate birthday gift - a pair of custom designed Nike sneakers. 

The Sewer Den Sneakers: Birthday Edition.

Issue 41: Sewer Undies

ISSUE 41: SEWER UNDIES

There's one decision every man must make in life. A choice that defines your character - a true representation of your personality. Make the wrong assessment and the outcome is...uncomfortable.

Boxers or briefs?

I made this sacred underwear decision on the cusp of being a teenager. Forget tests and homework, this was a pinnacle life moment for a kid in middle school. After much debate, I declared myself a boxers-type dude. The relaxed fit and fun, shorts-like style reflected my charisma.

I've never looked back...

What you're about to witness is sweeter than chocolate, more sensual than a rose, and hotter than pizza fresh out of the oven. In honor of Valentine's Day, I am opening up my underwear drawer. Ladies, please, calm down. My skivvies pack some passion, but mostly deliver a wallop of Turtle Power.

Issue 30: Gratitude, Dude.

ISSUE 30: GRATITUDE, DUDE.

Well, it's over. Once again the holiday season has come and gone. Santa took his annual trip down the chimney, the menorah burned bright, and we all rang in the new year. Time to look ahead and embrace what 2013 has to offer. But before grabbing the bull by the horns, let's look at what new TMNT goodies made their way to The Sewer Den during the holiday season. I must have been incredibly good this year because Santa was especially generous. My friends and family certainly weren't penny-pinching. The end of the year brought on an onslaught of ninja gifts - heaps of TMNT gold were thrown into The Sewer Den collection. If my sincere "thank you's"weren't enough in person, let's strike up another stroke of gratitude right here.

Totally Tubular Treasures: Sneaker Snappers!

TOTALLY TUBULAR TREASURES:

SNEAKER SNAPPERS

EDITOR'S NOTE: This column showcases my random discoveries of TMNT merchandise. Despite the extensive collection from my childhood, I still find myself making Turtle purchases as an adult. Totally Tubular Treasures highlights just that.

Unopened and still as pointless as they were back in the late 80's - Sneaker Snappers! Their purpose?

Issue 13: Button Up

ISSUE 13: BUTTON UP

Some heroes get purple heart medals, others get a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles button.

It's hard to understand the logic of a button collection. After pinning a few to your shirt, they start to look tacky. So what makes them so popular? Is it the freedom of expression with no real commitment? Or maybe it's because they're just so silly and fun.

Either way, the Turtles had a slew of them on the market. The Sewer Den buttons up.

Issue 2: Tailored For A Turtle

ISSUE 2: TAILORED FOR A TURTLE

I was a boy educated in the classy halls of public school. A land where kids thrived on pushing the limits of rules. Talking back, chewing gum, ignoring teachers - everyone had their methods. In high school it escalated. The guys clung to baggy pants and brands names in a struggle for attention. Stripping down and showing more skin was the female approach. You sadly were labeled for what you wore - thug, punk, skater, trashy, nerdy, etc.

Where did I fit into this? High school had me jumping around from trend to trend. Baggy denims and tees one year, followed by khakis and silk screen shirts (that I made in my graphic arts class) the next. There was clearly no order in those days. BUT, in the elementary school years, you could say I had a uniform of my own - TMNT-issued.

Prepare yourself. You're about to step into a fashion time warp. You will see colors and designs that have escaped your memory for the last couple decades. This is not for the faint. If you have any fashion-sense at all, it's not too late to turn back. Step into the fitting room for the ultimate, in-depth Ninja Turtles Wardrobe Guide!