Don't Panic

Don't fret, The Sewer Den hasn't closed up shop. From the bottom of my Ninja-loving heart, I apologize for the lack of TMNT-related stories over the past few weeks.

But, my moments of Sewer-silence come with a solid excuse. A few years back, I wrote and directed an independent feature film entitled, Sneakers & Soul. The film was a passion project that came straight from the heart.

The Ninja Turtles don't make any cameos, but the Sneakers & Soul is still something special in the world of cinema. After a very successful festival run and taking home numerous awards, Sneakers & Soul is finally hitting the small screen. This week, the film was made available at Prescreen.com for an exclusive, pre-release viewing opportunity. Although the film launches later this summer on iTunes, Amazon, Netflix, and various other digital platforms, Prescreen.com gives audiences a chance to discover the magic of Sneakers & Soul before its official release.

The usual banter will soon return to The Sewer Den. But until then, Sneakers & Soul is only a click away! Watch the trailer, rent the flick, spread the word.

Issue 23: Three-Pointer

March Madness. Fill out your bracket, watch the games, and keep your fingers crossed. There's not much else you can do. But this year, you're in for something special. The Sewer Den has three basketball-inspired TMNT items that are a merchandising slam dunk. Let's start the clock…

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SLAM DUNKIN' DON

This toy is a pure all-star. From his turtle dome down to his 90's sneakers, the creators of this figure shot and scored. Sold as part of the Sewer Sports action figure line, Donatello was lucky enough to ditch his brainy persona and be branded as a basketball player. This stuck too. Through the years, Donatello remained the face for most of the TMNT basketball merchandise.

Slam Dunkin' Don hit store shelves during the Michael Jordan madness. Representing the number 23, Don wanted to be like Mike. The red jersey is another shout out to Jordan's memorable moves while he was rockin' his Chicago Bulls uniform - short shorts and all.

The sneakers have some 90's soul. High tops equipped with air pump action was a sure way to sell this product to kids. Everyone wanted those air pump sneakers. They were extremely cool…and expensive. So for a lot of kids, this toy was the next best thing.

Along with Slam Dunkin' Don's awesome accessories, he comes packaged with some hoop-shooting skills. Place the ball in his green grasp, pull back those Turtle arms, and watch Don fire a shot into the sky. Air-ball or swish - the choice is yours. But, why is he named Slam Dunkin' Don when he shoots the ball rather than dunking it? I guess Jump Shot Don doesn't roll off the tongue.

This MVP (Mutant Valuable Player according to the packaging) has a mug that only a mother could love. His goofy smile wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for those gaudy, green goggles. Michael Jordan didn't bring this onto the court, so I'm not sure why Slam Dunkin' Don did. Maybe the goggles improve his eyesight, giving him the ability to sink three-pointers like a champ?

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MINI MUTANTS - DONATELLO'S BASKETBALL PLAYSET

Years later, Slam Dunkin' Don came out of retirement and made a comeback. Gone were his arms, legs, and body. All that remained was his head. But, inside that noggin was a world of fun.

Mini Mutants were new to the Ninja Turtles merchandising scene back in 1994. These small, handheld playsets gave kids new opportunities to toy with their favorite green machines. Just much smaller. Much, much smaller.

Enter Mini Mutants - Donatello's Basketball Playset. Before jumping inside, notice our MVP's appearance. With the passing years, Don decided to reinvent his look for his big comeback. The goggles are gone! Instead, he opted for the much more practical headband. Super vision was sidelined for the sake of mopping up some head sweat. But, his goofy vibe remains intact. Whatever silliness was lost with the googles, returns in tenfold with his tongue wildly popping out. It's funny and even a little weird (considering it is sticking out from his teeth).

Also, the dude has a band aid chilling on his nose! You might be asking - that's a band aid??? Sadly, yes. The company wouldn't splurge a few more pennies to paint the band aid a different color from Don's face. So, kids were left with this creepy Turtle-skin, colored band aid.

Beyond Don's awesome exterior is a basketball wonderland within. Although small, it's hoop-shooting adventure from the start.

Like any basketball team, the Turtles have themselves a solid locker room. Created mostly with the use of stickers, this place is filled with the usual necessities. Weights, laundry, and lockers - it's all here.

Hit the showers!

Take a trip lower on the playset and there is a full court. A sewer manhole appropriately marks center court. This manhole is also connected to the wacky tongue on the exterior of the playset. Place a ball on the manhole, give a flick of the finger on Donatello's tongue, and you'll launch shots towards the small basket above the court.

It's a fun idea and I give the creators credit for putting up some effort to make the playset interactive, but it loses its appeal real quick. There's only so many shots you can take before asking yourself, "now what?"

But, if you did want this game to last long into the night, have no fear, there's a scoreboard to help keep track. Foot versus the Turtles - the usual rivalry.

After all these years, it's remarkable I managed to hold onto the "action figures" that were included. They are so incredibly tiny I'm shocked they never slipped through the cracks during the years of growing up or even when my parents moved. But, there's not much to these guys. We get three of the four mini-Turtles (and all three are goggle-equipped!). Donatello is absent from the group, I suppose because we are in his head..? Leonardo steals his spotlight too - nabbing Michael Jordan's iconic number 23.

I always found the Mini Mutants Playsets to be a rip off. They were priced higher than the normal action figures, but you didn't even get more bang for your buck. Although they were imaginative, the Mini Mutants were just too, well, mini. The figures were so incredibly tiny, you couldn't really do too much with them. Prop them up somewhere inside the playset and call it day. Their replay value just wasn't too high. After a session or two, the toys became uninteresting. Just look at the size comparison of Slam Dunkin' Don and these Mini Mutant figures. How far could this concept go?

Still, big or small, TMNT merchandise is always the best kind of merchandise. So, like all things Turtle-related, I snatched these off store shelves and kept the stock over at Playmates riding high.

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LAUNDRY BASKETBALL HOOP

It might not be regulation height, but it sure is awesome. Big and bold, right at the top - TMNT DUNK.

This backboard means business, and that business is laundry. With a net that hangs approximately 30" from the hoop, that gives some serious opportunities to swish a few balled up socks or a pair of dirty drawers. Doing your chores was never this fun.

Take a good look at the Turtles. They aren't trying to evoke their inner Michael Jordan this time around. Instead, they're just being their usual, goony selves.

Instead of throwing around a fancy basketball or decking themselves from head to toe in the latest fashion trends (of the 1990's), the Turtles are just having a good ol' time (without goggles!). In what appears to be a pillow fight with laundry, the green machines are laughing and full of smiles.

Slam Dunkin' Don is Dunk'N Donatello when it comes to laundry (a slight difference from his action figure). Why not brand him the same throughout the TMNT basketball universe?

Leonardo and Raphael embrace their basketball nicknames with ease. They're pretty run of the mill, but fit the overall tone in the legendary category of basketball-laundry merchandise.

Michelangelo, on the other hand, has the worst basketball nickname ever. Magical Michelangelo? He's involved in laundry and basketball, not wizardry. Maybe it's suppose to be a reference to Magic Johnson? But, that's a stretch.

Hidden beneath the hoop, there's a warning. No hanging, swinging, or pulling on rim. Weight capacity 10 lbs. Man, they really sucked the fun out of that one, didn't they? You know every kid has tried to dunk on this thing. Heck, I've tried dunking on it as an adult. Also, the weight capacity is on the low end - 10 pounds isn't much. My heart tells me this hoop can probably hold triple that weight. But, the warning lists that the maximum weight is 10 pounds just to scare kids. This way, they stay on track and keep doing their laundry. TMNT chore propaganda at its best.

The backboard is marked with copyright date of 1988. That seems almost too old to be true. How could this thing possibly have survived all these years without breaking? The countless dunks with dirty clothes should've put this hoop in the trash long ago. Truly, an MVP in quality.

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And that's the buzzer! Three basketball items from The Sewer Den. Nuttin' but net.

Issue 22: Awesome Art

If these walls could talk…

If these walls could talk, the walls of The Sewer Den would be quite chatty. What would they say exactly? I like to think they'd be proud - going on and on about their extensive collection of Ninja Turtles-themed artwork. These walls would probably be eager to give history lessons on their artwork - spouting interesting anecdotes and heartwarming tales.

But alas, these walls cannot talk. Luckily, I do. So let me dive right into this collection of artwork. And to the walls of The Sewer Den, I know you cannot talk, but maybe you can read. So if you're reading this, I hope I am doing justice to all the awesome artwork you proudly display.

This issue is appropriate too. I mean, com'on, the Turtles were named after four, famous renaissance artists after all.

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Size: 11" x 17"
Artist: The Trumpet Club

 

School libraries always had some interesting artwork (propaganda) encouraging kids to read. But, this one takes the cake. When I graduated from college, my friend's mom, who was an elementary school art teacher, gave this poster to me as a gift. My grade school never put this poster on display, so it was new to me.

Oh, how my life would have been different if I had seen this poster back when I was a kid. My book collection would be triple the size and my love for reading would have developed at a much earlier age. But instead, my school was cheap and didn't invest in this brilliant, TMNT, pro-reading propaganda.

Boasting their rubber suits, this poster depicts the Turtles in all their movie-magic glory. However, the fearsome four have been narrowed down to just two. Missing are Raphael and Donatello. Does that mean Leonardo and Michelangelo are the bookworms?

Look at those teeth…they're popping out beyond belief. It makes me think, they needed braces. Being a bookworm AND wearing braces? Seems to me that Leonardo and Michelangelo just might have been nerds.

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Size: 18" x 24"
Artist: Peter Laird, Kevin Eastman (I'm assuming)

The oldest and personal favorite of The Sewer Den collection. With a few Pizza Points and simply filling out a membership form, I became one of the proud owners of this piece. Printed in a limited edition, 1986 of 25,000 deserves a place next to the Mona Lisa. It's just so awesome. Showcasing the style of the original comic book art, Raphael (my favorite Turtle!) is depicted in his iconic pose.

This print has been around the block. Originally, it hung on the wall of my childhood bedroom during the height of the TMNT craze. As the years moved on, so did I. The print was stored away in the darkest depths of my closet. Eons later, I ventured off to college and my parents moved out of my childhood home. It was during one of my visits to their new home that I went exploring. Within the mountains of boxes, I discovered this rare print once again. I was in shock and awe - still in mint condition!

I wasn't going to stuff it in the closet to collect dust again. This time, the print was immediately framed. It journeyed with me to my first post-college apartment and then to my first (no roommates) apartment. Eventually, the print found its way back to its rightful place, The Sewer Den.

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Size: 11" x 17"
Artist: Peter Laird, Kevin Eastman, Steve Lavigne (signed!)

A New York Comic Con gift. My good friend, Niki, surprised me with this goodie after she attended the event. The artwork is a bit unconventional, but exceptionally cool. We've got one of our green machines flying through the air with a vicious kick (to the stomach). Watching over this scene is, what appears to be, a giant lizard with a mohawk.

Bizarre for sure, but this one really sucks you in. The artwork isn't on the simple side. There is an extensive color palette, multiple characters with very different physical characteristics, and a some sort of storyline that is so outlandish that I can't wrap my head around it.

For years I had it displayed in my office at work. I'd always manage to catch a glimpse of my colleagues' wandering eyes. They just couldn't resist taking a peek at that bizarre artwork. Questions and comments about its origin never ceased. It was truly a crowd favorite. But, it did reveal that I am a Ninja Turtles nut to all my co-workers.

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Size: 22" x 17"
Artist: Burger King

The Burger King Kids Club. The elite club when for seven year olds. And they didn't discriminate either - they were a very diverse bunch (black, white, male, female, handicapped, nerdy, heck - even a dog was in the mix). Rivaling McDonald's bizarre batch of characters, The Burger King Kids Club was their version of the Happy Meal.

Revenue-wise, I'm not sure how successful it was. But, the advertising worked on me. I loved The Burger King Kids Club. The group of kids just looked like a fun gaggle of non-threatening folks who you could see yourself playing with outside. It also helped that they liked the Ninja Turtles.

The Kids Club released a whole slew of TMNT merchandise in the 90's. I know after a few chicken tender meals, I was the proud owner of TMNT-themed bike accessories and a few VHS tapes to top it off. This poster was another giveaway that I missed out on at the time. Luckily, I have amazing friends. My favorite couple, Patrick and Arleen, scored this poster and presented it to me for Christmas. It definitely put some cheer in my holiday season.

The poster showcases the Turtles from their second movie, Secret of the Ooze. How I love those big, rubber suits! Although, the Turtles look photoshopped beyond belief in this one. Every ninja is cut out a little too perfectly.

A fun word bubble is slapped on the front of the poster indicating it was put into circulation for the video cassette release. This adds some major 90's cred to the poster - a true staple of the time period.

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Size: 11.7" x 16.5"
Artist: Glen Brogan

This poster is a Candy Land-inspired glimpse into my brain in the early 90's. As a kid, this is what I was thinking. My mind always had Ninja Turtle-inspired thoughts bouncing around in colorful form. So, it's nice to see a piece of art capture that so perfectly.

The gang is all here. Of course the four Turtles are present, but we're treated to almost every major player in between. Casey, April, Splinter, Shredder, Krang (with the giant android body!), Rocksteady, Bebop, and many more. The poster is puzzle-like in its execution - like an image search in Highlights Magazine.

For how iconic Shredder and Splinter are in the TMNT universe, they don't get the spotlight. Instead, Shredder is just a small, silhouette lurking in the background while Splinter is stuck peering in from the corner.

Actually, April's cleavage gets more attention than the both of them. 12 year old boys rejoice!

I received this poster as a birthday gift from another awesome set of friends, Marty and Jesse. Wow, I'm seeing a trend. I get a lot of TMNT-inspired artwork as gifts. No complaints here!

The title of this piece, Big Apple 3 a.m., is also had me smiling. Such a fun nod to my button smashing days with the Turtles.

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Size: 18" x 24"

Artist: Derek Deal

This guy is really gross. Inspired by the popular trading cards and stickers, Garbage Pail Kids, Derek Deal created Michael Mutant. I bought the print on a whim, thinking it would be fun to hang above a toilet if there was ever a bathroom installed in the room. Well, that was a far-fetched idea.

Months later, the print is still rolled up in the closet. Michael Mutant doesn't exactly fit in with The Sewer Den decor. Although I love the intense color palette and overall wackiness, the print doesn't compliment the rest of my Ninja Turtles collection. The childhood vibes of the plush Turtles and TMNT night lights don't mesh with Michael Mutant's bathroom antics and boogers.

The poster isn't the TMNT-norm, but it's still a blast. Any kid (boy) would find it so disturbing that they would immediately love it. The gross antics of Michael Mutant keep your eyes pretty busy.

Along with the green, slime-like cheese on Michael Mutant's pizza, are plenty of zany toppings. Razors, syringes, and a finger!

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Size: 24" x 36"
Artist: Jeff Proctor

The Alamo Drafthouse. If you've never heard of the place, you're missing out. This movie theater chain based out of Austin, Texas loves, loves, loves movies. Aside from theater experience (food and booze while you watch!), they host elaborate film screenings. For a screening of the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film they threw a pizza party. For some events, the Alamo Drafthouse will even hire artists to create promotional posters. In addition to being hung in the theater, a handful of prints go on sale to the public. It's a frenzy when trying to snag one. If you miss out, there's always eBay.

Luckily, I lucked out! Shortly after, this classy piece of art arrived in the mail. The art direction is an interesting one. The drama of the film is highlighted in this print rather than the humor or action. Shredder is front and center, beneath him a wounded Raphael.

Although it's definitely a cool poster, it's a little glum. The artist even took a few liberties to further this theme. Derailing from the events in the film, Raphael has a few throwing stars lodged in his body. Ouch.

There are a few hidden gems scattered throughout the print too. The shout out to the NARC arcade game is, hands down, my favorite.

For the most part, the poster features the color green only with the Turtles. That's why this skateboard caught my eye. The wheels are also green. So, the Turtles and the skateboard wheels are the only things featuring green in this print? Is there some significance behind these green wheels that I am missing? Alas, I studied film in college, not fine art. I'll leave it to the professionals.

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Size: 12" x 36" (set of 4)
Artist: Rhys Cooper

What this lacks for in age, it makes up for in creativity. Sold as a set of four, these TMNT prints are jaw-dropping. Once again from the Alamo Drafthouse, each poster measures a modest 12' x 24', showcasing each individual Turtle. 

But, when you display the complete set, prepare for your entire wall to be transformed in a massive Ninja Turtles mural. It's no Grand Canyon, but it can still take your breath away. Just staring into the artistic beauty of this set will make you lose track of time. The hours easily slip away.

As with all TMNT purchases, I refused to drop heaps of cash down. Like a junker at a flea market, I enjoy a good deal and love the thrill of the hunt. I found the set of four prints after hours of late night web surfing. The price was a steal. I felt like some sort of suave art dealer (but behind the keys of computer).

Christmas had just passed, so I was home visiting my parents for the holidays. Signature was required when the posters were delivered and I wasn't there to give my John Hancock. So, I was forced into a trek to the post office to pick them up. From art aficionado I moved into eskimo-mode, as that day a blizzard had hit the state of New Jersey. Bundled up and eager at the wheel, I plowed through the snow in my Mom's car to the post office. With a swift flick of the pen, I inked my name, and the prints became my prized possession.

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Size: 14" x 6"
Artist: JZ (me)

 

 

The Ninja Turtles Squad - my childhood, self-created TMNT fan club. A handful of us rag tag kids ran around in the woods, pretending to be Turtles and fight the Foot Clan. This sign (art!) followed us wherever our clubhouse (Sewer Den) might be.

What the sign lacks for in quality, it makes up for in charm. I crafted this masterpiece using the most basic tools - a small piece of wood with a few permanent markers. Picaso with paints, I was not. It doesn't take an art critic to realize I screwed up writing the word "Turtles" either. The letter "T" has some traces of the letter "F' in there. "Ninja Furtles Squad" just seems weird. You can't chalk that up as artistic expression.

 

But, simplicity can go a long way. Instead of tacking images of every character in the TMNT universe, I kept things clean. Just the core four's weapons and an image of Raphael's head.

The sign survived the ages along with the rest of my TMNT collection. What should I do with this thing? Well, it only seemed fitting to hang it above the door in The Sewer Den. So now, when everyone enters this room filled with TMNT treasures, they pass under the Ninja Turtles Squad sign - the ultimate artwork of an eight year old. My clubhouse continues.

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The argument always arises in art discussions - what defines art? One person falls in love with a certain piece, while another despises it. It's very subjective. But, I think there is a common thread in all great art. I can finally end this ongoing debate. So, what makes great art? Simple - Ninja Turtles.

Thanks for reading!