Issue 42: Eat Up, Dude (Part 5)


Hungry? Craving cowabunga cuisine? Forget a case of the killer pizzas, you've got the mutant munchies.

The pinnacle of The Sewer Den collection is my stash of TMNT-inspired foods. The silliness of these snacks are divine (and delicious!) My eyes feast on the array of colors and wacky design that each package presents. I've already sunk my teeth into this subject 4 times without feeling full.

I love it and am ravenous for more. What started as a single-serving, has now evolved into a five course meal. The Sewer Den presents Eat Up, Dude: Part 5. Chow down, dudes.

*Packages have been flattened to display more detail.


Like cereal boxes, the package design of fruit snacks are incredible. Every inch of space is put to use. Stare into the box and your eyes fall into a Disney-like tale spilling vibrant colors and alluring imagery. There are illustrations, photography, advertisements, and even an American flag.

Most importantly, the Turtles are on display with April and Splinter joining the Fruit Snack fiesta.

If your Mom forgot to pack some laughs in your lunch, don't fret, because the green guys got you covered. The "made with real fruit" text on the box is pretty clear, but the Turtles are determined to reenforce the power of produce. Nothing says ninja like a weapon lodged in fruit.


Bored while you snack? You're in luck! The box includes a game to keep you entertained. The challenge is little to none, but at least the artwork provides a few giggles.

I have fond memories of eating my TMNT Fruit Snacks. Whenever they were packed inside my plastic lunch box, it was a treat. I'd anxiously tear open the small pouch to reveal the shapes and characters that hid within.

Unfortunately, my lunch room memory doesn't recall the "3 New Shapes." It's hard to make out what they are from this picture on the packaging. A cherry April, strawberry Party Wagon, and a gray Splinter? A stone-colored fruit snack in the shape of a rat doesn't look so appetizing. But hey, it was the 90's. Things were weird.


These candies are the Garbage Pail Kids of snacks. The gross-out factor might be lacking, but they certainly dish out a freaky vibe. The awkward illustrations riddled with anxious expressions don't make your mouth water.

The fruit and grape flavored Turtles are channeling a Night of the Living Dead performance. I don't see Turtle Power here. Maybe a swarm of zombies? Perhaps the tomb of a mummy? Whatever way you slice it, they look undead. The words "artificially-flavored" don't help bring life to this snack either.

Despite the weird world these candies live in, I dig it. Like Garbage Pail Kids, the comical abnormality of this snack bites into you and doesn't let go. If any TMNT-inspired food had the potential to cause mutation, these Candy Turtles might be it.



Kid loves cookies, but crackers? They can be a tough sell. With less sugar, kids assume less fun. But then, a product like TMNT Pizza Crackers hits the supermarket shelves. Turtle-shaped snacks? Pizza favored snacks?! I don't care if they're almost 25 years old, I demand these go in my lunch box!

The packaging rivals a cereal box with endless entertainment for your eyeballs. Awesome opportunities await!

Shop 'til you drop!

Enroll in the TMNT Fan Club!

Clip and save Snack Cracker Points!

And buy a cookie jar? Wait...what? This is a box of pizza crackers, showcasing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Why are we offered the chance to score a cookie jar with teddy bear on it? Kids eating this snack were chomping down on Turtle Power, not playing with plush bears.



The sewers are a strange place. Dark, mysterious, perhaps even unpleasant. No one would venture within, but a gang of mutant turtles call it their home. What does a sewer provide? Well, it's the main image on this dessert packaging.

I never heard kids screaming for "cherry flavored water-ice confections," but here they are. The Bar-In-A-Shell treat has awful execution at every turn, yet somehow the dessert is a delight. The sewer imagery is awesome and sets the table for fun. After seeing so many packages showcasing all four Turtles, it's a welcome change to see a solo Raphael selling this snack. He proudly holds the water ice pop like a trophy.

This treat goes above and beyond the call of duty. Most TMNT-inspired bites don't give you much beyond Turtle shaped food. With the Bar-In-A-Shell, the signed popsicle sticks reward your efforts for slurping down the snack. A sweet prize after satisfying your sweet tooth? Heck yeah.

The box also includes a door hanger. A brilliant idea, but poor word choice. What kid wants people parading through his room looking to trade "autographed sticks?" Sure, Bar-In-A-Shell wants to promote their own product. But, kids were more likely to throw this on their door knob if it said "Mutants Only - Keep Out!"

Everyone remembers Pizza Points, but Cowa-bunga points? Were these a Bar-In-A-Shell exclusive? The only order form on the packaging is for the TMNT Fan Club (which used Pizza Points). Either way, slash and save Cowa-bunga points to "save money on neat Turtle items." And when you live in the sewers, saving cash is important.



This lethal goop secretes from a tube like a thick sludge. It's a deadly, harmful, and poisonous candy. Naturally, kids want to eat it.

You would assume that the Toxic Ooze candies weren't actually toxic, but you could be wrong. Although I stumbled upon the candies in a Californian candy store in 2013, the packaging dates them to 2008. That's 5 years this muck sat on store shelves and collected dust.

Does Toxic Ooze have an expiration date? More likely a half-life.

Has anyone ever questioned why the Turtles are endorsing poison?

I never doubted these candies were artificially flavored. Tubes of Toxic Ooze cannot, and should not, have any natural ingredients. Organic, healthy Toxic Ooze? No way.



Every TMNT episode follows a familiar path - a plot that pits the good guys verse the evildoers. Why not have that same experience when snacking? With Heroes & Villains cookies, every bite is a battle.

Whether you were a Hero in a Halfshell or a friend of the Foot Clan, you're given the opportunity to sign up for the TMNT Magazine (along with a free cassette tape!).

Now, choose an allegiance. First up, the Heroes.


Reporting live from your snack, April O'Neil is front and center on this package - a figurehead for team "Heroes." Joining her are a slew of characters. The team poses in front of a picturesque city, with blue hues and comforting clouds. Everyone is at ease, calm and collected.

Of course the Turtles would be here for this eating adventure. But, the additional characters are the real treat.

Splinter and April often appear with the Turtles. Occasionally Casey Jones pops his hockey-wearing head up too. But, Ray Fillet?! It's cool seeing this aquatic dude out of water and into this snack. The stingray never looked so tasty.


Next up, enter the evil.


Unlike the carefree Turtles, Shredder aggressively leads this pack of mutant misfits. There's no serene setting or even a terrorizing Technodrome to act as a backdrop. Nope, they're sticking to business. These scoundrels are determined to attack the Turtles, and attack your tummy.

Getting a food dedicated to the rascals who create chaos and wreak havoc is genius. Sure, as fans, we're happy nibbling on anything Turtle-related. But, an evildoer exclusive snack?! It's a second helping of awesome.

The mutants that make it into this snack are INCREDIBLE. The Turtles usually hog the spotlight on most merchandise. But since this box is devoted entirely to villains, these dudes step out of the shadows.

Look kids! Snack on Krang so you can tell your mom you ate brains!

Then scarf Scumbug down. Now, you're munching on bugs too!


Although this is the Villains box, the Turtles manage to squeeze themselves on the top flaps of the package. Not a big deal, but more baddies would've been better.

Besides curbing your craving, this snack can also leave you puzzled. I've stared at this villainous package for ages and still can't piece something together. It's a question that gnaws away at my brain and eats away at my sanity.

Is Shredder naked? I'm torn between bodysuit and birthday suit.

With each of edition of Eat up, Dude my cravings continue. It's a hunger I can't conquer. I'm not packing on the pounds, but ooze might be seeping through my pores.

My Turtle Power has mutated into cowabunga cholesterol.


  1. How do you manage to keep all these packages in such good condition? That's awesome!
    Loving the look of the Heroes & Villians cookies! I would munch on those if they were still being sold today.
    Speaking of all these foods, I was chilling out in my living room the other day and suddenly the commercial came on for the new Kraft TMNT Mac & Cheese. I just about went nuts. Definitely going to be picking one of those up.

    1. I would LOVE to host a Mac & Cheese party with the new TMNT Kraft stuff. All you can eat!

  2. the heroes and villains cookies are hillarious!
    Who wouldnt want a naked loin cloth wearing shredder in your pantry :- /
    and check out the way splinters mouth is smiling, i cant tell if hes a rat or a furry crocodile!

  3. Those fruit snacks always had a treasured place in my lunch pail.

    -Crooked Ninja

  4. Now I'm hungry. Especially for the gooey goodness of Toxic Ooze!


Forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza.

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