First Gokin Krang: Your Other Action Figures Can't Do This


A box arrived on my doorstep from Dimension X. Inside, First Gokin Krang - a monster collectible that puts your other puny action figures to shame. It's a beast! The colossal toy is almost a foot in height and is about a cat in weight.


You've probably read plenty of reviews about this guy. I'm not going to discuss the points of articulation or superb quality - those are pretty obvious. Instead, let's look at 8 outlandish things and wacky scenarios First Gokin Krang can do that your other action figures cannot.

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1. LAWN GNOME

Give your garden ornaments an inter-dimensional pal! First Gokin Krang will bring your lawn to a whole new level. He's as big as a lawn gnome, but much more terrorizing. Moles beware!
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2. NIGHT LIGHT

Scared of the dark? Don't fret, Krang is here to help you out. Using the nifty light inside, First Gokin Krang figure will illuminate your bedroom with a reassuring glow. Although with a grin that ugly, you might want to sleep with one eye open.
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3. LIFE COACH

If you're dealing with personal or career challenges, Krang can give you guidance. His influential demeanor has the power to motivate anyone who is in need of a push. He believes in you!
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4. DISPLAY CASE

When removing Krang from his android body, a world of possibility presents itself. The small compartment acts as a showcase for your petite collectibles, like Lego minfigures & miniature Japanese foods!
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5. BOUNCER

This dude is intimidating. Prop him by the door when hosting a party, and he'll certainly keep the rift-raft from sneaking inside. If only he talked and said, "I don't see your name on guest list."
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6. 90'S-STYLED PENCIL BOX

Remember those pencil box contraptions from the 90s? They were rectangular pieces of plastic that had wacky compartments to stockpile your school supplies. First Gokin Krang might not be as covert in his storage, but he gets the job done.


No kid would question going to school with this figure in their backpack.
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7. MOUSE TRAP BAIT

Have a rodent problem? Krang is an expert in hunting down rats, like Master Splinter. And when you can't get the job done, he'll take matters into his own slimy hands. No pest is safe.
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8. CALVIN KLEIN MODEL - CALVIN KRANG

Krang loves strutting his stuff - showing off his buff body and red undies. And when you spend every moment of your life wearing only underwear, there's only one conclusion that can be drawn - you're a Calvin Klein model. Was the Technodrome an evil battle-station? Or Calvin Klein HQ?
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If you haven't realized it by now, First Gokin Krang is a collectible unlike any other. His size is a gimmick with limitless opportunities (as you have witnessed with this unconventional review!). 

What would you do with with gigantic goon?

4 comments:

  1. Wow, eat your heart out Marky Mark Wahlberg, we have a serious contender for best Calvin Klein model right here!

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  2. Man, is that ever a glorious action figure. I could definitely use an android life coach right about now.

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    Replies
    1. I'll send him over with some inspirational quotes!

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  3. This guy is amazing! Seriously, seriously excellent!

    And I totally had one of those 90's rectangular plastic pencil boxes with opening sections. Dang, now to decide if I would to track down this Krang figure or one of those pencil boxes.

    ReplyDelete

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